Donald Trump's Nerf Ball Interview With His Daughter-In-Law

Lara Trump Tries To Smooth Over a Rough Week For "Daddy"

Lara Trump fancies herself as a lot of things: She got her start working on the TV News Magazine “Inside Edition” as a story coordinator and producer. She’s listed on Google as an “American Politician,” she was also co-chair of the RNC, she almost filled “Lil’ Marco Rubio’s” senate seat, she embarked on a failed music career, and, of course, she’s married to this guy:

How convenient that she resumed her career as a Fox News contributor (Having been dropped from the position in ‘22 due to an alleged policy of not employing anyone running for office), and of course, she’s been given her own Fox show on weekends titled “My View With Lara Trump,” a job we’re all sure she secured because of her hard-hitting, “gotcha” journalism. (Insert eyeroll here)

What follows is a transcript of her interview with her father-in-law, a certain orange-hued figure who has had a VERY rough week, and perhaps needed a respite with some sugary spoon-fed questions to make ALL Fox news viewers breathe a temporary sigh of relief. My notes will be italicized.

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Lara Trump:
Well, Mr. President, what an honor to be here in the White House with you — second time around. And I think when people look at the first six months of this administration, you have had more success, I think, than many presidents in history throughout the course of their entire term in office. (Editor’s note: I don’t blame you if you just spit out your drink!)

A lot of people look at what you've done, though, and they say, "Had you not had four years in between, maybe all this success would not be possible." Do you agree with that?

Donald Trump:
Well, experience is — uh, very important in life. I think talent is more important than experience. But if you can have them both somehow, it’s a very good thing.

But experience is very important. I think it also helped. It was very bad for the country, but it also helped to have four years of horror. What went before me was horror. And by comparison, I think anything looks good. (Four years of inclusive policy making, job and GDP growth, low unemployment, a very strong economy, and a president who wasn’t cuckoo for Coco Puffs does not a “horror” make!)

And I don’t want to demean what we’ve done, because we’ve done a lot — records. But what they’ve done to our country should never be forgiven. Allowing millions and millions of people to come into our country that shouldn’t be here — it’s such a big aspect of what we’re doing now with the borders. (As expected, this bowl of word salad makes absolutely NO sense.)

And it could have been so easy. When I gave over the country, the border was great. Now it’s better than it was, but we — it was much worse than it was in 2016 when I took it over. That was a border problem also. (Obama deported more undocumented immigrants than Trump did in his first term. Source)

But I think when people see the horror show that we had for four years — an absolute horror show — uh, they tried to kill... it was almost like they tried to kill our country. And the beautiful thing is, now we have the hottest country in the world.

You know, I was with the King of Saudi Arabia, the leader of Qatar, the leader of UAE, and many other leaders at NATO — uh, separately, a whole group — and every one of them virtually said, "You have the hottest country in the world right now." And six months ago, they also said, "We thought your country was dead."

They actually thought it was dead. And it felt dead. We had — not only had no leadership — we had negative leadership. We’re going — it was regressive leadership. So I think that probably makes it look good too.

But — but we’ve done a lot.

Lara Trump:
Well, you know, throughout the four years while you were not here at this White House, I know that there were some very dark times — some times where people counted you out, thought that you’d never come back — yet you're here right now.

So, in those moments, what was it that kept you going? Why is it that you are back here in this White House now, despite so many people saying it wasn’t possible?

Donald Trump:
Well, number one, I saw what was happening to the country. They were destroying our country. They were allowing people to come into our country from prisons, from mental institutions — gang members, the worst gang members in the world — make our gang members look like, you know, nice people.

Uh, they were coming in at levels that nobody had ever seen before. No check-in, no vetting, no anything. Just come into our country and do whatever you want. (This is completely made up. Surprise, surprise!)

And, uh, I saw what was happening, and it didn’t take long. I saw that they were going to go — I built hundreds of miles of wall. There were little sections that you had to fill in, just to close it in. And I saw that they weren’t going to build them. (Before Trump’s 2017 inauguration as president, the southern border had about 654 miles of primary barriers and 37 miles of secondary barriers, according to Customs and Border Protection information from an unpublished Jan. 22, 2021, report provided to PolitiFact. By January 2021, there were 706 miles of primary barriers and 70 miles of secondary barriers. So basically, Trump added a whopping 85 miles worth of wall to the border. Source.)

And I even called in. I said, “When are you going to just put those little sections—?” Would have taken three weeks. And I said, “You know, they want to have open borders.” And that’s what it was — open borders. No vetting.

To me, that’s — you know, inflation — I’ve already taken care of it. So many of the other things. Look at energy, look at fuel, look at — there’s so many things we’ve done. (Wait. I thought we were talking about immigration?)

But you know, that’s a big job — getting thousands, hundreds of thousands of criminals out of our country. Murderers — 11,888 murderers. Many of those people have killed more than one person. Think of it. Murderers — killed more than one person. Uh, more than half of them. (Again, this is completely made up)

And he let them into our country.

It’s not even — you know, we love this country. It’s — it’s not even believable. And I guess it wasn’t him so much as people surrounding the beautiful Resolute Desk. And I know them all, and they’re not good. They’re smart, but they’re not good.

Uh, they’re smart in a different way — but evil intention. And what it’s — he was the worst president in the history of our country because of them also. But he was the worst president in the history of our country. And nobody’s done such damage to our country.

And we’re fixing it. And I think we’re fixing it very fast. (Break out the old “It’s all Biden’s fault” defense.)

Lara Trump:
Well, we are at the anniversary of your Butler rally, where Eric and I — along with Luke and Carolina — watched on live television, as so many people across the country and really the world did, when there was the assassination attempt on you.

And as we come to this moment, I’m thinking back to what happened right after that. You actually called all of us on the phone, and it was amazing to me that that was what you thought to do — that you wanted us to know that you were okay.

And I know that’s a moment none of us will ever forget. And I’m sure for you — you know — tenfold.

Donald Trump:
Well, it was unforgettable. I didn’t know exactly what was going on. I got whacked. There’s no question about that. And fortunately, got down quickly. (“What struck former President Trump in the ear was a bullet, whether whole or fragmented into smaller pieces, fired from the deceased subject’s rifle," according to an official FBI statement. Source. Other sources state he sustained an ear injury.)

And people were screaming. And I got down quickly — fortunately — because I think they shot eight bullets. One got me, and one got another one, and one got another one, and one killed Cory, the firefighter. Great guy.

And uh, you know, we had a tremendous, massive crowd — tens of thousands of people were there. And our sniper — within less than five seconds — was able to get him from a long distance with one shot.

If he didn’t do that, you would have had an even worse situation. It was really bad. But he really did a fant— his name is David, and he did a fantastic job.

Just — it went about his business, less than just about four seconds, and that’s when it all stopped. And he got him perfectly, from a very long distance. So we got a little bit lucky in that regard.

Lara Trump:
There was so much conversation after that, though. You had members of Congress visiting the site there — people really on top of wanting to get answers to that. But I think we — we still are wondering.

Donald Trump:
Yeah. So they briefed me numerous times — the FBI, the Secret Service, sort of everybody. DOJ — Pamela’s doing a fantastic — I think she’s doing a fantastic job. (“Pamela” has spent the past week embroiled in the Jeffrey Epstein controversy that even has ardent MAGA fans questioning their faith in Dear Leader.)

But they briefed me. And I’m satisfied with it. I’m satisfied with it.

They should have had somebody in the building. That was a mistake. They should have had communications with the local police. They weren’t tied in — and they should have been tied in.

So there were mistakes made. And, uh, that — you know — shouldn’t have happened. And that building was a prime building in terms of what they were trying to do.

But I was satisfied in terms of the bigger plot — the larger plot — I was satisfied. And, uh, you know, I have great confidence in these people. I know the people, and they’re very talented. Very capable.

They had a bad day. And I think they’ll admit that they had a rough day.

This is a very dangerous job — being president. You know, I say a race car driver — one percent of one percent — think of that — die. It’s not a lot. A bull rider — I think that’s pretty dangerous — it’s like one-tenth of one percent die.

And with the president, it’s like five percent. (“Mathlete Trump” strikes again!)

Why didn’t you tell me this? I could have maybe made a different decision.

But I wouldn’t have made a different decision — because we’re doing so well. The country’s back. And it’s — as I said — everyone’s saying we’ve got the hottest country in the world.

Even doing this interview, I feel guilty — because I’m supposed to right now be working.

Lara Trump:
Well, you — we appreciate it, though.

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This wasn’t an interview. It was a daughter-in-law using her position, which was achieved BECAUSE she’s the daughter-in-law, to try and smooth over what has become the most controversial and undemocratic presidencies in American history. A sugary-sweet, sickening display meant to throw a lifeline to a man deep in over his head. A man who can’t stop finding EVERY hill to die on with his non-stop, nonsensical post where he tries to tell everyone to STOP talking about Jeffrey Epstein in a rant that mentions his name six times while simultaneously claiming the infamous “client list” doesn’t exist, except that it was concocted by Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden.

Since the above rant was posted yesterday afternoon, it has been ratioed (meaning a post has more comments than likes, indicating that it is unpopular) by his own followers who are in an uproar over how he’s handling the issue. Here’s a very small sampling of what appears to be a metric ton of negative posts from his followers (But seriously, there are THOUSANDS more responses like this):

I don’t think dear daughter-in-law helped any. Trump has been awfully quiet today on his platform so far. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

A diminished-looking 6’ 3” Donald Trump interviewed by daughter-in-law Lara Trump, who, at 5’ 11” appears to tower over him